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Back to Issue 3 - Fall/Spring 2013
The First Five Years Are the Hardest
Kate Carruth
1
On a beach, shells, stubbed toes, waves lazily rolling in to shore
laughing, running and carefree this was my first home. The sound of airplanes in the
air, the wakeup song of the soldiers on the loudspeakers.
Listening to the radio with little people; I am trying to find the little people in Mommy’s
radio but she doesn’t want me to look behind it or under it. I would really like to see the
little people again. I have seen Daddy take apart radios and maybe he took the little
people away? Daddy says the radios with little people in them are called televisions, so
our radio doesn’t have any little people. It’s OK, Daddy brought me a new tricycle and
that is more fun than little people. For now.
Riding in a car across country, the car is a new home or so it seems.
Grandmother waving and hugging, smells like cookies, a smile so big it can reach
around the country to all her grandchildren. Treasure unimaginable under
grandmothers bed, forbidden but I want to see, why shouldn’t I see them?
Boysenberries for picking and eating, in the woods, dark and scary but no boogiemen
(they’re under the beds). An indoor slide to the basement, Grandmother says it’s for
laundry. Uh, oh, another forbidden.
The world is full of unexpected pitfalls, and mischievousness. A visit, mustn’t touch,
mustn’t wiggle, sit still, keep quiet, home again and a run to a self-determined reward,
slide under the bed, find treasures, Grandmother is angry.
The grass is cool on barefeet and tickles. Sand under the swing is just right for
excavation and building, the swing is almost like flying, cool air rushes by my face and
wrinkles my hair. Now is the time for singing. Mama said to keep your clothes clean,
they are cleanest folded on the porch.
2
Another cross county ride, this time on a train. We sleep in a rocking chair and walk
unsteadily to another car for breakfast. Next stop, the Pacific Ocean and a huge ship to
travel on. Daddy is stationed in Japan and that’s where we are going. When next I visit
this country, I will realize that the very air smells different here than in the States but just
now I only know that Daddy’s here and the ground doesn’t move anymore. He always
wears his work clothes and he calls them fur pigs. They don’t look like pigs at all so I
think that is another ADULT thing that is hidden from children. Like curly writing.
Smiles are everywhere, I don’t know why but this must be a very happy place to live.
There is a lady who comes to play with me, she sings funny songs: mushy, mushy ah
no nay, it’s a telephone song. She makes me a Christmas stocking and it's so pretty.
Papasan makes me a cupboard for doll dishes, he says he is honoring my Daddy who
helped him rebuild his house. Papasan’s house burned down one day, that is why it
must be rebuilt.
We are going away again, we are going in a big plane and it takes so long. When will
we land? This plane is bumpy, more rocky than the ship. I don’t like it much, this roller-
coaster in the air that makes my stomach jump, the sound that seems to be inside my
head, loud and growling and never ending. Silence at last and we can get off this ride
across the ocean. Meeting strange people, aunts, uncles, cousins. One cousin shows
me how chocolate milk comes out of a cow; they are brown and white. The black and
white ones make regular milk.
3
Another ride in a car, we are going to a new place to live, Colorado. We have a nice
house and Daddy comes home every night for supper. Mommy is tired a lot, she
watchers so-poppers and does cross word puzzles. If I am very quiet, I can watch so-
poppers instead of taking a nap. Usually I have to take a nap anyway and I don’t want
to. I can watch TV when I get up. I cannot watch Superman after Daddy comes home
because it’s time for supper.
Daddy has built us a new house and Mommy has built a little sister. Daddy just keeps
building and planting bushes and roses and grass and trees. Mommy says she is going
to send Grandma some of my sister’s hair, she says it a lot but doesn’t. I help. I don’t
understand why people say they are going to do something and get mad when
someone helps. It's good I have so many toys in my room.
