Night over Water by: Natalie Stovall
Sarah was a strange and unreasonable girl. When she was born the doctors said she was an ocean; infinite and undying with jellyfish in her veins and sharks in her belly. Parts of her were freezing; her hands and feet were icebergs. Her heart though, beat so fast that sometimes the skin on her chest would boil. When her mother gave birth she had almost died, the strain on her body was almost too much to bear. Sarah came out screaming.
She was always screaming, although as she grew this became a subtle scream. One you couldn’t hear but you could see if you looked hard enough. Sarah was always slightly shaking, as if she was going to erupt. Childhood was impossible for her. People would stare and gawk. She possessed a body she felt she didn’t deserve. She was a woman at such a young age and when she thought about her life she smiled. It was a dark grin.
When she grew up she learned about crushes and crushing and being crushed by boys. This was a revelation to her, she felt so powerful when making someone fall in love. She felt powerful taking it all away from them. These simple boys would meet her and try to conquer her but they would drown. Every time they would drown thinking they were mightier, thinking they could maybe take her over. She felt their prayers, their desire to have her, even for a moment. When she touched them she made their lives worth living, and as she took their breath away their last words were always “thank you”.
She felt the lonesomeness around her and took it in. Loneliness infected everyone who wanted her; it was palpable in their voices. She needed to feel like a real person, not a myth told to children to prove a higher power. She met a boy, Oren, and fell love with his eyes which burned like sunlight, giant and brighter than anything else. He was whole without her, and she clung to him for that.
Oren had a tongue that spat fire like a volcano and when he spoke people fell backwards. He was so smart, this boy who was fire. Oren knew everything to know and that’s why the girl who was an ocean fell in love. Being around him made Sarah open up, which at first made her feel as though she was slowly becoming real.
Sarah was so excited to find humanness inside of her, and she owed it to Oren. Idealistic and ignorant, she wanted him too much and closed in on him too fast. Every time he spoke she moved closer to him, slowly putting his fire out. He faded away. Although destruction was in her nature, she felt a wickedness breed inside of her that she had never felt before.
Sarah’s body, an anomaly, became heavy and solemn; she was swollen with guilt and disgust. She was eternal, the doctors said. Her parents constantly reminded her of this. She could never be happy because she was forever. She patiently repeated this advice: “Don’t get too close. Don’t get too close.” She chanted this rhythmically morning after morning.
Stronger than the earth itself, stronger than the Sun or any other planet, Sarah was a miracle. “God given!” her mother would say. “Oh you’re my gift, my proudest achievement”. Sarah resented this praise. The girl who was an ocean, with jellyfish in her veins, feared only one thing. Because she had ruined all love and warmth which was so generously given to her, she was terrified of losing herself in someone else. She was terrified of affection in any form. The ocean is a wild thing, this girl a wild woman.
She knew how to destroy and while she pined for normalcy, she wasn’t born with flaxen hair and a mild smile. She had teeth and nails, she was hard. She knew too much to be a stupid girl who tore flowers from the ground to put in her hair. Sarah feared only one thing. This one thing caught up with her in the form of a friend, the first she had ever had.
Kiri resembled a hummingbird and behaved like one too. She wasn’t beautiful, or a force; she was like air-simply necessary. This friend guided the ocean along for quite some time. She never asked for a thank you, or a sorry. The ocean tried and tried to bring her friend down, but never once did Kiri relent.
The hummingbird girl, with tangled hair and twisted bones, was glued together by permanence. She didn’t believe in the idea of true death, the kind without continuation, no matter how much evidence had been presented to her. When her grandmother died she simply said “And soon she’ll be again”. Her family was exhausted by her optimistic insanity and she felt the heat from their frustration. It burned her badly, so she moved away and found an ocean.
Kiri was certain of two things: One, that God existed. Two, that there was no such thing as a single person. “Everyone is everyone and anyone who will ever be has already been” she explained, “How do you not see it?” As confidently crazy as she was, Kiri spoke to everyone about what she believed in. They would smile an uncommitted smile, the kind they gave to missionaries at their doorsteps. She was used to this smile; it was the only kind she saw from other people. Hers was different. When she grinned in the mirror it was all teeth. She felt like this was the biggest difference between herself and others. They would say otherwise.
When this hummingbird found her ocean, she saw something more than just a violent, angry girl. Kiri saw hope extending its arms. Sarah tried telling this flighty, wiry woman that she was unable to get close. “I’ll drown you” the girl who was an ocean said. She stated it simply, and then walked away. The little hummingbird girl flew after her, sensing something so remarkable about her. Not that she was beautiful, or strong, or anything anyone else had ever admired about her. This simple, hummingbird girl saw something more. She saw eternity in her eyes. The hummingbird found absolute proof of her own beliefs.
Kiri smiled her overwhelming smile.“What’s it like to never end?”
Sarah answered her tone lighter than usual. She was not too hopeful but the spark of being understood felt like dry heat and made her skin warm.
“When sensible people say there are fates worse than death, I think I’m what they’re talking about.”
Kiri was no longer smiling, but Sarah flashed her dark grin.