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Dangerous: A Tale of a Rock Star
Roberto
Hernandez
Elmer slicks back his thick black hair with his pocket comb. He is standing on stage with a 1970 red wood grain Gibson Les Paul, after playing a perfect cover of "Welcome the the Jungle" by, THE Guns and Roses in the sold out Houston Toyota Center. The crowd chants his name "Dan-ger-ous, Dan-ger-ous, Dan-ger-ous..."
"Elmer, wake up dude. Wake up, it's 12:50 man it's time to go back to work." Elmer often dreams of being a rock star when we take our usual lunch break at 11:00 am in the gazebo for Wal-Mart employees. Poor fool believes calling yourself a rock star will make it so. I give his due though. He is pretty damn good on guitar.
Elmer is a strange fellow though. A five foot five Salvadorian, with feathery black hair always kept perfect by his gold colored pocket comb. He has these Meerkat eyes that are maybe, no lie, two inches in diameter. It seems like his eyelids are too short to cover his entire eye, so when he blinks it's as if he is not blinking at all. Maybe that explains his devilish dry, red eyes that he sports everywhere. Also, he walks with a limp. There is nothing medically or genetically wrong with the man's feet and legs, he just walks with a limp. Typically people this ugly have a beautiful personality, but not Elmer. Nope, just the way he looks on the outside is who he is on the inside. He is the modern day Mr. Scrooge, except he is not knocking on death's door. He is twenty-six with an attitude of an irritable, haughty, and vulgar seventy year old.
As we walk through to the rear of the store to clock back in, Elmer tugs at my off duty shirt. He directs me to this beauty queen shopping in the grocery aisles. She was maybe twenty-six, five foot nine, and had this caramel silk skin. Her midnight black high heels contrasted well with the tight, thigh high royal purple dress. Usually Elmer has bad taste in women but my god this chica was fine. Her curly brownish-black, soft plum lips, and eyes that could mesmerize a man for hours, and all with no make-up; just makes a man say "wow". Unfortunately, she had a huge diamond rock on that lovely finger of hers. I just glance and keep walking. Elmer stops in the middle of the aisle.
"Hold on dude." He tells me. Elmer stares at her as if trying to memorize her skin pores; he doesn't blink. Even I feel a little creeped out. The girl feels she is being watched and, so she continues to the next aisle.
"Come on Romeo, it's not like you're going to go talk to her anyway." I tell him.
"Bobby I'm no pussy. I'm going to make her mine!"
"Dude, she's married." I warn him. But what he said next froze me where I stood.
"Fuck that I'm Dangerous, and I feel like I'm going to have a rock star day!"
"Okay" I said smiling.
He limps over to where she is shopping, the cereal aisle, I hang back about four meters. He starts speaking but I hear only mumbling, like a peanuts cartoon when the grown ups talk. Three minutes into the conversation the husband returns, placing some items in the basket. He stand behind his girlfriend, glaring at Elmer. I told him she was married.
The boyfriend was about my height, six-one, and it was obvious he went to the gym religiously. Healthy food items filled his cart. I keep my distance thinking to myself, he'll come back now that her man is there. But no, Elmer says something which enrages the muscle bound freak. The guy grabs Elmer by his shirt and delivers a quick jab to his left eye. Elmer drops to the ground and yells.
"Bobby!" I race to his aid. The girl is calm as if she has seen this before.
"Kyle it's not worth it, lets go." She said in a calm sexy voice. Three seconds later I arrive and push him away before he lands another punch. Elmer is balled up on the floor shielding his face with his tiny hands. I have no time for Elmer, this Schwarzenegger look alike is coming for me now.
"I don't want trouble." I warn him. But he doesn't listen. He charges at me with a close line attack. Sidestepping I duck to avoid his assault.
"Don't come at me again or you'll regret it." I plead with him. He doesn't acknowledge that I just spoke. Oddly enough no employee or customers have happened by, the girl calmly watches from the side.
He comes at me again with an all-out offensive barrage; I shake my head. Jab, crossover, duck, uppercut, cross, he falls to the ground stunned. The girl is nervous now.
"Sorry, sorry forgive him he is on steroids and has a short temper." She says to me. I check out her sexy body one more time and think, damn it all, why are you with this guy. Elmer gets up holding his tender blackened black eye. A thought pops into my head, I can't believe his hand is covering his eye! I look around 12 o'clock on a Friday in a Wal-Mart and no one is about, the guy is being helped up by his girl. Lucky us no witnesses, we get to keep our jobs and the big guy over there doesn't go to jail.
Elmer and I get to the back room and sit down by the time clock. I glance at the time, 12:05. Its been fifteen minutes since lunch was over.
"What did you say to him that made him so angry?" I ask Elmer. No reply at first. He paused, building suspense for his juicy story.
"I asked that mamasota if she wanted to be my girl, and for her to come with me if she wanted to have a good time." I told her I'm a Rock Star and that I can write songs about her and me when we get married. The she told me I was crazy and that she was married already. I told her I don't give a damn and that she is making a mistake not coming with me. That's when her muscle came in, then all I said is well do you have a sister that I can pound. That's when he hit me for no reason. I didn't think that he would get so upset."
"Really man, really? You don't think he had a reason to get upset?" I said, staring at Elmer with his now purple eye.
"No!" He said.
"That's why I nicknamed you Dangerous, you do stupid things sometimes."
"I was right about one thing though," Elmer replies.
"I did have a rock star day!"
